Letting go of the anger and pain is an exercise that can give you a lot of false positives. Just when you think you’re beyond it all, something sneaks up and bites you in the subconscious and can leave you reeling for a while. I like to think of myself as a rational-minded person. In fact, sometimes my thinking can becoming to sickeningly logical to leave me checking to see how pointy my ears are.
But there are moments in which a memory will set off a chain reaction in my mind. A whirlwind of emotions takes shape and can leave me listless for days. All because of a song, an image, or even the turning of a particular phrase that would be otherwise meaningless to the rest of the world. And for me, to somewhat of a surprise, guilt is not something I experience. It’s more of a frustration or anger at myself. And the sorrowful regrets inextricably entwined to positive outcomes that I wouldn’t change for the world.